Private tutors? We just end up asking them to teach us all the rude words they can. I could swear with devastating effect before I could even ask the direction of the men’s room after RMB 1,000 worth of private tutoring. Chinese classes transported me back to school; hiding at the back of the class mouthing along, and copying my classmate’s homework on the bus on the way to class. Language partners never work out either. It’s almost impossible to stay on topic talking to a girl in a bar. And how long can a “language partner” remain just a “language” partner anyway? All attempts at learning a second language seem somehow doomed to failure from the start. There must be an easier way. How about a blend of each of these methods, mixed with beer?

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Photo: Drunk Language