It's time once more for the weekly “Hey, what do Migas, Dada, and Lantern have booked for the weekend” article, wherein we recommend events at just these three places, and pretend we have actual knowledge of whatever DJ talent they have booked.

Pssst. I’ll tell you a secret. Lean in ...

**I’ve never heard of any of the people who end up playing these places! Ever! DJ Who the Shit Is That!? What? Snuh? Who cares!** 

Anyway! Forget I said that! Let’s do this. 

Jul 29: Lil Jon at Sir Teen
WHAT. YEAH. WHAT. YEAH. WHAT YEAH.

WHAT.

LITTLE JOHN.

... Is performing at a place called Sir Teen, which is one of those gigantic clubs in Gongti that looks like a fucking spaceship designed by a drag queen. Lil Jon! How sick is this. I’m going. I’m actually going.

RMB 200. 10pm.

Jul 29: Shadowplay Essential with Intergalactic Gary at Dada
Yeah, I don’t know who Intergalactic Gary is but he looks like a shop class teacher from Iowa-slash-completely insane serial killer so he’s probably a pretty good DJ. I find the more unhinged people look in their press material, the more I enjoy their music. That’s the recommendation here: “But he looked so nice! You would never suspect a thing!”

So yeah, if you go, probably don’t make a song request from this dude or your head will end up in his fridge and he’ll turn the rest of you into a skin dress. He’s probably playing techno. And the sound of your muffled screams. 

RMB 50 I'm guessing. 10pm.

Jul 30: ‘Come Running Up That Hill With Us’ Kate Bush Birthday Celebration at Más
Beijing, it’s Kate Bush’s birthday and Más is observing the occasion with an entire night dedicated to celebrating this visionary’s life, dance, and music. It’s a birthday party for Kate Bush. Seriously. She’s not going to be there because she lives in a castle on a cliff that is crumbling into the ocean for real, not even joking and couldn’t make the trip, but it’s on anyways. This is the most cloudbusting-est party this weekend, with local troubadour Dan Taylor performing covers of Bush’s tunes and associated music (probably some Floyd), and a full-on dance performance by the official hutong Kate Bush dancers. They’re performing the entire dance from the iconic “Wuthering Heights” video the one with the red dress. In full drag. Right there in the hutong. Stopping traffic. Full choreography.

And but “they’re” I mean “we’re” because full disclosure your humble clubbing recommendation person is one of the Kate Bush dancers. The dress fits like a dream. I’ve got the moves down. It’s going to be mind-boggling. The dance happens at 9pm. And then probably again at like 11.30pm. 

Free. 8pm.

Jul 31: Calling Your Parents and Apologizing at Your House 
The last big event I’m recommending for this weekend is you calling your parents and apologizing for your terrible life decisions, which is on for Sunday late afternoon. Don’t miss that one. No cover. After-party is your scrolling forlornly though grad programs on the internet, bookmarking them, and never visiting said bookmarks again. 

Free. 5pm-ish.

Have a good weekend, my pretties!

Photos: ytimg.com, phuturewest.com, Más, cdm.skim.gs


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