After studying Chinese on and off for about 25 years, it still shocks me that an employee at a pizza restaurant cannot seem to understand me when I attempt to say “large pepperoni” over the phone in Mandarin.

Whether that’s due to my utterly atonal Mandarin, bad cellphone coverage or bad luck to have had my call answered by an employee who’s been on the job for 30 minutes, I can’t really say – but what it adds up to is nothing but stress when it’s time to order a meal for delivery over the phone.

Will they understand my request for “no mayo”? How in the hell do you say “please put the dressing on the side” in Chinese? Will I get what I think I ordered, or something else?

And let’s not even talk about attempting to relay a Chinese address over the phone. Half the time it goes something like this:

Me: Yes, please deliver to this address (states home address, painfully memorized and recited after weeks of practice).

Restaurant: 你的意思是不是在那个招商银行北边儿的被那条小巷子旁边的居民楼?

Me: Uh, eh … maybe?

Then of course there’s the fear of getting something that bears only slight resemblance to what you thought you ordered. Disappointment turns to despair when when you show the order slip to your Chinese friend the next day and you’re informed that yes indeed, according to what the order-taker wrote, it does appear that you ordered the Deer Penis Special.

That’s why bilingual online ordering systems are such a godsend: they take all the stress out of ordering.

You’re free to browse the menu in advance, in English.

Your digital order comes with a guaranteed written record.

And perhaps best of all, you can cut and paste your Chinese address into the delivery field (if you can’t write it yourself, get a friend to do it for you once and save it on your phone/laptop).

The best of these systems make ordering a breeze. These days the #1 reason I don’t order from some places is the lack of an online ordering system – I just can’t take the mental distress that trying to make myself understood entails (there’s also the latent feeling of dejected failure that comes with the harsh reality of not having mastered the basics of keeping yourself fed in your adopted home language … no one wants a side dish of disappointment with their meal).

So with that in mind, here’s a list of some of the places that have fully bilingual online ordering systems:

Gung Ho Pizza: One of the best online ordering systems. Fully bilingual and space to add special requests. With reliable delivery, I’ve ordered from here on more than one occasion even when I’ve felt like eating something else, if only because I can 100 percent count on my order coming out right with virtually no stress.

Ganges: A great online ordering system that saves me from having to worry about what the hell chicken tikka masala is in Mandarin. A bit slower on the delivery but a welcome sight nonetheless.

Element Fresh: Element Fresh handles its own delivery, both via its website and an ordering-enabled app. Items available are included in the extensive menu, but breakfast items served at the restaurant on weekends are not. Delivery times vary, so order earlier rather than later.

Sherpa’s: If your favorite spot doesn’t have their own system, check Sherpa’s — there’s a good chance they have their orders fulfilled through this godsend of a website. The real secret value of Sherpa’s is not the delivery service itself but the fact that you can peruse dozens of fully bilingual online menus and thus won’t have to worry about things getting lost in translation. For instance, one of my favorite pizza places, Pizza Plus, has great pizza and great delivery, but has no online ordering system of their own that I am aware of. Via Sherpa’s, I can look at Pizza Plus’s whole menu at a glance, choose what I want, and have a record to prove what I’ve ordered. (P.S. for even more online ordering systems like Sherpa’s, check out beijingkids‘ excellent post here).

McDonald’s: Combine a flawless bilingual app with 24-hour ordering and I’ve got myself five extra kilos of bodyweight, courtesy of a year’s worth of impulse buys of multiple early-morning Sausage McMuffins with Egg.

Obentos: Stylish and nutritious Japanese lunchboxes are a delight when you are not struggling with multiple languages to relay your order. Extra bonus: Their online ordering system lists every menu item with calorie, protein, fat, and carb counts.

Sugar Shack: Wudaokou pizzameisters Sugar Shack has online ordering for all your late-night carb binges. Extra bonus: The deliver beer (Bud, Heineken, Corona) as well.

Image: thewhy.com