WeChat went nuts this weekend with a viral post from @shamelesschina, an anonymous account that launched its notoriety with a witty post outlining the eight types of foreigner in Beijing.

Below is their eight types, followed by a few we feel they've left out:


1. The Gulou Hipsters
They live in hutongs or those six-floor buildings. They like baijiu, Peking duck and bragging that they know where to get the best dumplings. Their obsession with Beijing fixates on the antique and crappy parts of the city which fuels their oriental fantasy. Most conversations with Gulou hipsters revolve around them recounting funny exchanges they had with taxi drivers in Chinese, providing a convenient excuse for them to show off.
 


2. The Wudaokou Students
The loyal customers of La Bamba, Propaganda, and that one Xinjiang restaurant at Minzu University which has just THE BEST 大盘鸡. Easily spotted by their baseball jackets, sneakers, backpacks and the innocent, vapid, pimply smile. Learning the language? Only if it helps them fuck Chinese chicks. (Oops, except for the gays, and the Koreans).
 


3. The English Teachers
When foreigners say they are English teachers, actually they are telling only one thing about themselves: a don't-know-what-to-do-with-his-life loser. No offense, it's okay to take it temporarily or as a part-time, but in the long run, dude you need to pull yourself together. Easily recognized (and avoided) by the shit-eating grin they wear into Kokomo after 1am.
 


4. The iBankers
Expensive suits, first class planes, five star hotels, the iBankers are exactly the opposite of the Gulou hipsters. Most often encountered at D Lounge (D for douchebag) or prowling for Glamor Asians at Xiu, and make people who are not as rich as them fall in love with hip-hop and rap. They don't even enjoy Beijing, since as long as they are making a shitload of money, they don't give a fuck.
 


5. The Yuppies
The yuppies are determined to graduate to iBanker level or die trying, which they express by behaving like them in every way, except cheaper, and less annoying. They consider Beijing as a wonderland full of business opportunities, but they would not spend one second improving their Chinese, because English is still the language of commerce.
 


6. The Worn Out Junkies
Different from addicts of Chinese food, the junkies don't care what they eat as long as it is edible (sometimes even not, depend on what they are on). Eyes wide shut, they wander around like vampires at night, and if you spot one of them lost on the street, please gently point them back to Dada.
 


7. The Righteous Fighters
China has no democracy! Air pollution kills! Donate for the kids! The righteous fighters are those yelling at the camera, tweeting extreme opinions, and brain washing everyone who approaches them. Among them, you'll feel that China still has a long way to go to make it to a real dictatorship.
 


8. The Glamorous Asians
The Chinese incarnation of Cinderella's evil stepsisters, they exist to make you other Asians look bad. Perfectly trained muscles and flawless makeup are their name cards. They wield their bilingual skills to rock both foreigner parties and the KTV scene all over the city. They've come back to the motherland, but only to conquer.

And our additions ...


9. The Sinofied Foreigners
This foreigner is so Chinese that they can out-Chinese you any day. They love to correct other foreigners' Chinese, have their phone settings in Chinese only, tell all their foreign friends that they "don't have foreign friends," refuse to get taxis, and complain about forgetting words in their native language because they are just so damn good at Chinese. Look out for: casual integration of tangzhuang in their wardrobe and a distinct air of superiority.
 


10. The Functional Alcoholics
This alcoholic is, in fact, a functional alcoholic. They take baijiu around to dinner (the little bottle fits perfectly in their pockets) and pour it into beer. The alcoholic goes to craft beer markets but brings Yanjing beer, or buys it from the little stalls, because why on earth would anyone buy RMB 35 beers?! The alcoholic always manages to make it into work the next morning though. Why do they drink? Well, there's nothing else to do in Beijing, is there? Look out for: stumbling in late at night, every night, and gentle sobbing from the shower.
 

11. The Shameless Freeloaders
Exhibiting a slight overlap with the Gulou Hipster, the Shameless Freeloader tends to work for a media outlet *ahem*, and pounces on a free meal/event/piece of cake with the prowess and speed of a dama hopped up on hot water and dirty Beijing air. No morsel is too low for the casual hobnobbing and networking necessary to obtain such valuable sustenance. Look out for: business cards, darting eyes and a salivating mouth, a knack for small talk and an encyclopedic knowledge of gallery openings and the city's promoters.
 

12. The Professional Laowai Person
The Professional Laowai Person lives on minor non-speaking parts as extras in films and occasional appearances posing as businessmen at industrial products trade fairs in the remote provinces. In between they fill their time with temporary English teaching gigs or polishing resumes, all the while on the lookout for the newest Chinese wine company on the prowl for some desperate soul to stand around wearing a white lab coat, fulfilling the successful western scientist stereotype. Look out for: incredible stamina for standing around, a smile that covers immeasurable sadness, a whole load of cash (helps cover said immeasurable sadness).
 

13. The Grizzled Veterans
These types have been around longer than you and will never let you forget it. They've been everywhere and are so done with us newbies thinking we're the sh*t. They remember when Sanlitun was nothing but a pair of tarpaper shacks serving warm Yanjing for next to nothing in the middle of a field. They have memories of shopping at the Friendship Store and occasionally took a donkey-drawn carriage to their day job back in the day. Look out for: clothes only bought from Yashow (R.I.P.), dark circles under the eyes, an unwavering grip to their Flying Pigeon bike, bemoaning the days of yore.

A witty start for @shamelesschina  we're looking forward to more. Follow them on Wechat below or email them at [email protected].

Images: Shameless China, blog.eteacherchinese.com, Tom Arnstein, shutterstock.comchinadialogue.net.


Visit the original source and full text: the Beijinger Blog