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For this month's A Drink With we chat with comedian David Fertitta as he doles out some valuable drunken advice about where to go, and what you should probably not do whilst under the influence.

Who would you most like to go out drinking with?
Tough call. I might have to go with Anthony Bourdain, I’ve read all his books, am kind of like a Trekker with regards to his various shows, and he seems like an all in all righteous dude. Plus he’s at least in some way responsible for me living in Asia for three years, so I guess I have to thank him or blame him for that, haven’t decided which yet.

If you could only imbibe one drink for the rest of your life, what would it be?
If I was rich I’d drink only high-end Champagne. Given my current financial situation I drink a troubling amount of second-rate sparkling wine.

Tell us about the first time you were drunk.
The first time I was drunk was at a lame college party, we were drinking some horrible “jungle juice” concoction. As soon as I realized I was pretty drunk I went back to my room and played video games. I was a real rad guy.

Tell us about the last time you were drunk.
I’ve been drunk way too often lately. Recently I hosted a show at Cheers. Those shows are always particularly messy. Lots of cheap champagne. Later I came to while standing alone in the middle of an obscure hutong at 3am. Real rough night.

What’s the dumbest thing you’ve done while drunk?
Hmm, hard to say. I guess when I first got to China I was in a mode where I liked to steal things when I was drunk. Never anything important or valuable, but stupid stuff. My first week here I stole a six-foot-tall poster of George Clooney that I still have. This interview is making me look less than awesome.

What’s your idea of a good night out?
If I get to do comedy or DJ that’s always a good start or end. Other than that a perfect night would involve lots of chuan’r and street beers and then finding some place to dance like an idiot.

What are your secret watering holes?
It’s not really “secret,” but I love SIIF bar on Beiluogu Xiang. Not that many people go there, but I don’t know why, it rocks. Super nice staff, a wacky basement dance floor, a nice little roof and two big dogs to pet. It’s a dope spot.

See David every Tuesday at Jing A’s comedy open mic.

More stories by this author here.

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Photo: Mitchell Pe Masilun

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