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I can’t lie; I browse the Personals section for kicks as much as you do, the difference being that I am paid to do it, and so it appears then that my job description overlaps with that of the KGB, in this case specifically, a man who goes by the name Nicholovich. A man to be feared. A man on a mission: a mission to infiltrate the CPC with bad game and even worse facial hair.

From the blurb alone it’s difficult to tell quite how long Nicholovich has been fantasizing about his dream Chinese government worker. How long did it take for Charles Manson to grow his beard or develop crazy eyes? It’s an area that lacks both clarity and its own section in his Wikipedia bio. No crazy eyes. Let’s assume months, no, years.

“Btw, it’s nice to communicate with you in this way. As opposed to telepathy, Beijing’s craigslist, or slipping notes in my passport at the PSB visa desk. I know you saw my note. You bloody held onto it for seven days.”

Anyway, apologies, the dream is apparently becoming too vivid even for me, what I assume to be the byproduct of announcing Nicholovich’s announcement for him. I am now entangled in his dream? Is that a cat, Mr. Murakami?

If you fancy your chances with Mr. Rose, or indeed have a death wish, then swing him a message. You’ll make one sexy KGB agent very, very happy.

Read more Classifieds of the Week or more stories by this author here.

Email: tomarnstein@thebeijinger.com
WeChat: tenglish_
Instagram: @tenglish__

Image: The Beijinger


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